The Touch Ambassador

Fear getting in the way of touch

I came across this article via www.partnersinkindness.org .  As a total vomitphobic and someone who'll change train carriages if I see a very drunk person, it stopped and made me think. 

Quite a few years ago, I was traveling quite late at night on the London underground. It's not that savory a place at the best of times, but at 11 P.M. it's even worse.

A young woman was vomiting on the platform. She clearly had drunk too much alcohol. Although the other people waiting at the station were giving her disgusted looks, she didn't frighten me, I suppose because I am a nurse. So I took out some paper tissues I had in my bag and gave them to her, so she could clean herself up. It felt like the "right" thing to do, rather than condemning her.

What keeps many people from loving others and doing loving acts for others is simply fear. It's frightening to see people who are not in control of themselves, like drunks or drug addicts. When I remind myself that what is stopping others from helping is fear, I feel more compassion for those who are ignored or scorned.

Something similar happened to me in the streets of London. I was walking to my station when I tripped in the street, sprawling face down on the pavement. Not one of the people who passed by stopped to help me, they saw it, and rushed on.

It hurt then and as I write this it still hurts, that there is so little caring. But I have to remind myself that it is fear which gets in the way, not evil. What helped me in London was being able to imagine two women I had just left (with hugs) coming to help me and hugging me.

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Editors note: Scientific research has confirmed that fear stops people from helping. See the studies of Jane Piliavin on the Subways in New York City and Philadelphia.

In the Vietnamese press

For anyone who reads Vietnamese, there's an article about British Cuddle Parties in one of Vietnam's biggest national papers.  Check it out!!! http://www.tuoitre.com.vn/tianyon/Index.aspx?ArticleID=198841&ChannelID=396

And if you can read Vietnamese, I'd love a translation !!!

This Sunday is the last London Cuddle Party this side of the summer break (and yes, interested parties can still register!!)  It's been a hectic week of clearing out my apartment before I go overseas for the summer.  The thought of relaxing for 3.5 hours with other cuddly people on Sun and having a little island of time when I don't have to be packing up my worldly goods or canceling electricity bills is quite blissful.  Roll on Sunday !!!  Cuddling is the ultimate way of just being ...

Bits and pieces in cuddle-land!

My friend reported that while sitting on an inter-city train, she overheard the passengers behind her discussing the phenomenon of the Cuddle Party!!  Exciting!

The lovely presenter on Radio 4's Saturday Live paid lip service to Cuddle Party in the two weeks following the feature on us.  Thanks, Fi!

REiD - the grand-daddy of Cuddle Parties was on The Ugly Phil Breakfast show on Kerrang Radio last week.

And some national reporters wanted to sit in on yesterday's Cuddle Party - but we ended up putting that on hold.

So, it's been a busy time!

We had a party yesterday which left me exhausted.  Sometimes I can be totally energetic and euphoric after a party.  Other times, I'm slurring my syllables (too much oxytocin being released!) and can think only of sleep.  That was yesterday!!!  Just as I never know how I'm going to feel when a party finishes, we can also never know how we'll respond to touch.  Somedays, we want to be snuggly and touchy and other days we want to be in our own space.  There is definitely such a thing as too much touch.  Definitely such a thing as not enough touch.  The best thing to do is honour wherever we are!

By the way, I just did a google search for "hug" and "e-card" and over 90,000 options came up!  If you have a favourite site for sending hugs by e-mail, please share with us all!!!!

Acceptance

Three people have had conversations with me in the last day or so based along the same theme: that we've become disconnected from each other in our busy, urban, get-ahead lives ergo (I like that word, Latin I believe for "therefore") we need Cuddle Parties.  A student journalist from Vietnam put it to me beautifully when she said that it's "mending a hole". 

I really am feeling a shift in attitudes and feel that the message that "safe, pleasant and welcome touch is a VERY good thing" is being met with nods of heads and acceptance. Could my work as Touch Ambassador be done??

How Touch Can Help Us Heal (and a plug for my book!)

Hi!!!  I wanted to share an excerpt from my book.  The book is called "Getting Through To The Other Side" and is a dip in, dip out book with short items related to transcending barriers, shifting, changing life direction and so on.  All in all, it contains the voices of some 40+ people from all over the world.  Listen to what Veronica from Chicago had to say ...

I lost both my parents to cancer. It was because of my dad that I thought about becoming a massage therapist. When he was in the advanced stages of his illness, and in a lot of pain - I’d warm up smooth river rocks and use those to massage his feet with lavender oil and he’d almost always feel better.  With the help of my mom and a friend I decided to go to massage school. Not too long after, mom's cancer returned. My instinct was to resign from work and school to take care of her. I forced myself to stay in massage school, but dreaded leaving her each time I went to class.

When she passed away, my life came to a halt. I wanted to go with her. I was ready to leave massage school again because who would now receive my loving touch if not my mom or my dad?  Even though I was heartbroken, sad and hurting, I knew that my parents weren’t quitters and neither was I.  I had my kids, my siblings and those in physical pain that I could do massage with.

I now work at a medical office with fibromyalgia patients.  Many are so sensitive that even the lightest of touches is cause for severe pain

Every time I massage someone, I listen, I learn and I am compelled to improve. I want to continue learning. Massage has contributed to my healing process and I hope that it helps others with their own healing too.

Do you have a story about how touch changed your life or helped you to heal?  If so, do post a comment!

If you'd like a copy of my book (pictured above).  Please e-mail cuddleparty@hotmail.co.uk .  It sells at £8.99 plus postage.

Huggin' Fever!

The computer was having a strange day yesterday!!!  I attempted twice to post about Spring Huggin' Fever and both times my post came out blank - altogether now gggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (actually I have found that having someone to hug post computer frustration is a great way to get back to equilibrium!)

So what I wanted to tell you about yesterday was that Spring hugging is in the air!

Firstly, the video website YouTube, in it's first annual awards, gave the "Most Inspirational Video" award to the "Free Hugs" clip.  If you've not seen it, do click here!  The soundtrack from the clip was released last week as an album (for true devotees!) Twelve million people have viewed it since it was uploaded in the autumn and it's YouTube's 13th most watched film!  It tells the story of a young man in Sydney who gives out free hugs to strangers to spread the love!!  In the last few months, free huggers have taken to the streets the world over (yes, even I've done it!!!)

If you prefer to be part of an organised hugging initiative, mark May 6 in your diary.  It's Random Huggers Day www.randomhuggers.com .  The promoters say that the purpose of the day is "to spread the love, warmth and wonderful energy that is in a great hug, around the world".  Events are taking place in London, Brighton and Birmingham -- and if you live somewhere else, feel free to create your own event (the organisers can help you)!!!

I definitely feel that hugs are in the air and that the benefits of touch are becoming more and more a talking point in the media.  Ya - hoo!!!  After all, that is what this blog is all about - to spread the word that welcome, safe and pleasant touch is the most wonderful, life-enhancing, health promoting, feelgood thing!

Spring hugs to all and computer please post this !

Cuddle Party's Great Media Weekend!

It's been a great weekend for Cuddle Party in the media with the word out to millions more people about the many emotional and psychological benefits of touch!

Radio 4's Saturday Live breakfast programme featured us as their "Guerilla Reporter" item.  Go to http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/saturdaylive/ to listen in or add your thoughts to the blog.  FYI, the Cuddle Party feature starts 23 mins and 45 secs into the show!  After the feature, the two studio guests (both cuddle-sceptical offer some thoughts and related poetry).  It's worth listening in again at 45 mins and 40 secs to hear views from those in the pro touch/ cuddle camp.  Happy listening!

And on Sunday, the May edition of Men's Health came out with a great two-page feature on Cuddle Party - backed up with lots of quotes from psychologists and PhD types about how touch is good for us !!  Happy reading!!!

Healing the wounds of conflict zones through touch

Touch is the most amazing thing on the planet!!  Today I feel like the touch evangelist as well as the touch ambassador!  As well as connecting us, touch can do wonderful things to heal us and make us whole again, especially after trauma.

One of my babies (aside from Cuddle Party) is a project I set up a few years back to give free massage to suicide bomb survivors.  I always knew that touch was magic and powerful, but when clients told us that the nurturing and therapeutic touch they'd received from us had been the nicest thing that had happened to them since the attack, better than an hour with their psychiatrist and more effective than their painkillers, I knew we were onto something good. 

I had an e-mail last night from a massage volunteer who has just started a placement in Jerusalem and this is what she had to say:

Does anyone remember the news item from 4 years ago, about the 24 year old girl that was injured in a Jerusalem suicide bus bombing?  She was near the killer when he blew himself up, and her wristwatch exploded and cut open her throat, severed the arteries, lodged in her neck while metal fragments that the bombs are packed with lodged in her body. She should be dead.   It was a miracle that her life was saved, the doctors at Hadassah hospital creatively performed surgeries  that no one ever had to before, while she was in a coma for a month... She was my client on Thursday.  She is now 28. Beautiful girl in spite of the scarring on her neck and face and the pieces of metal I feel in her body which have not worked themselves out.   Takes care of her body.  She has the will to continue to live and learn, and the courage to be her own person. I am filled with admiration for these people.  Another of my clients was in 4 separate attacks and survived them all but lost siblings. So many brave people, some young, some middle-aged, going on with lives in spite of the losses and the maimings; some, who are experiencing trauma that prevents them from living fully.

A previous massage volunteer wrote to me and said: "I saw how much it meant to be touched in a healing way, especially after a trauma induced by other humans."

I believe that if trauma is inflicted on the body - that is where the healing needs to take place, as our cells and tissues are holding on to memories of pain and fear and need a physical reminder of what safety feels like.   Another Jerusalem project volunteer expressed the following after a week of working on clients: “I saw people find their path to recovery and reconnect to their bodies and their inner beings. They found that there was something left underneath their pain.”

I believe so deeply that touch is one of the most powerful healing tools that we have. My next few posts are going to look at touch as social activism, touch projects in conflict zones and the role of touch in restoring people after trauma.  If you enjoyed this dose of touch evangelism and would like to read more about what inspired me to start the Jerusalem project and the results, Massage & Bodywork magazine published a feature on it (written by yours truly), which you can read by clicking here !

Monkeys hug to avoid gang violence!

Last month the science magazine "Nature" published the following article about how monkeys who hug are less aggressive.  Read on !

When British politician David Cameron advocated affection as a solution to antisocial behaviour and petty crime, his speech was mockingly labelled 'Hug-a-Hoodie'. But no one realised that there is a precedent in the animal kingdom — spider monkeys in Mexico have been observed embracing to avoid gang violence.

Hugging diffuses the tension when two bands of monkeys meet, say the British researchers who made the discovery. Without these calming embraces, the situation can escalate into aggression and even physical attacks, they report. The researchers studied wild spider monkeys (Ateles geoffroyi), which live in the forests of Central and South America.

These monkeys live in large groups, but split into short-lived, constantly changing groups of a few individuals to travel more easily in search of food. The small gangs bumps into one another frequently. If the other monkeys are seen as rivals, there is a danger that fighting will erupt. Hugging seems to be a way to ease the tension — aggressive encounters such as chases are more likely to happen among monkeys that do not embrace first. Hug-happy meetings have much lower levels of aggression, Aureli and his colleague Colleen Schaffner of the University of Chester report.

Day 3

Tomorrow morning will mark the 72 hour period of not having touch on tap.  However, thanks to a visit to the wonderful Japanese hairdressers, I'm feeling anything but emotionally withered and cranky!  Today's hairdresser - Kaji - did me proud - there was so much lather going on around my scalp that I felt as if I was wearing a hat made up of shampoo bubbles.  He was a master of the Japanese art of "shampoo".  When I lived in Japan, folks would pay around £15 just to have their hair washed - no cut, no colour - just water, shampoo and lots of gratuitous shiatsu scalp massage. Would highly recommend a trip to the hairdressers for anyone feeling touch deprived!

I noticed this evening, that I was touching colleagues' arms or backs to make a point and vice-versa.  I'm living with the expectation of receiving all sorts of good touch in the week ahead - so I'm probably not in the best place to be conducting an experiment into the effects of touch deprivation after 72 hours!

However, I'm going to share something with you that a colleague wrote.

People NEED touch, it isn't an optional aspect of being human. People can get themselves into all sorts of interesting situations consciously and unconsciously in order to take care of themselves in this aspect of living.

Jokes about folks who are being grumpy just "needing to get laid" are abundant. So folks have acknowledged on some level that affectionate touch is important to our emotional well-being.